A test to see where you are hurting

-- INNER CHILD INDEX OF SUSPICION --

Read each question for the following developmental stages to yourself.
If you feel a strong inner response, answer "YES"; if you do not feel a strong inner response, answer "NO".
Check off your answers on a sheet of paper; the more questions you check off, the more wounded you were at that stage in life.

Developmental Stage: Infancy: Symbiotic Bonding or "I am You"
Developmental Age: 0 -- 9 months
Developmental Goals: Basic Trust versus Mistrust
Ego Strength: Hope
Source of Power: Being
Relationship Issues: Healthy Narcissism and Codependence

1) Do you have, or have you had, in the past an ingestive addiction? (overeating, overdrinking or overdrugging) y/n

2) Do you have trouble trusting your ability to get your needs met? Do you believe you must find someone to meet them for you? y/n

3) Do you find it hard to trust other people? Do you feel you must be in control at all times? y/n

4) Do you fail to recognize body signals of physical need? For example, do you eat when you're not hungry? Or are you often not aware of how tired you are? y/n

5) Do you neglect your physical needs? Do you ignore good nutrition or fail to get enough exercise? Do you go to a doctor or dentist only in an emergency? y/n

6) Do you have deep fears of abandonment? Do you feel, or have you ever felt desperate because a love relationship ended? y/n

7) Have you considered suicide because a love relationship ended ( your lover left you, or your spouse filed for divorce)? y/n

8) Do you often feel that you don't truly fit in or belong anywhere? Do you feel that people don't really welcome you or want your presence? y/n

9) In social situations, do you try to become invisible so that no one will notice you? y/n

10) Do you try to be so helpful *even indispensable) in your love relationships that the other person (friend, lover, spouse, child or parent) cannot leave you? y/n

11) Is oral sex what you most desire and fantasize about? y/n

12) Do you have great needs to be touched and held? (This is often manifested by your needing to touch and hold others without asking them)? y/n

13) Do you have a continual and obsessive need to be valued and esteemed? y/n

14) Are you often biting and sarcastic to others? y/n

15) Do you often isolate yourself and stay alone a lot of the time? Do you often feel it's not worth it trying to have a relationship? y/n

16) Are you often gullible? Do you accept other's opinions or " swallow things whole " without thinking them through? y/n

Developmental Stage: Toddler: Oppositional Bonding or " I am Me "
Developmental Age: 9 -- 18 months: Exploratory phase
Developmental Goals: Autonomy versus Shame and Doubt
Ego Strength: Willpower
Source of Power: Sensing and Doing
Relationship Issues: Psychological Birth; Counterdependence

1) Do you have trouble knowing what you want? y/n

2) Are you afraid to explore when you go to a new place? y/n

3) Are you afraid to try out new experiences? If you do try them, do you always wait until someone else has tried first? y/n

4) Do you have great fears of abandonment? y/n

5) In difficult situations, do you long for someone to tell you what to do? y/n

6) If someone gives you a suggestion, do you feel you have to follow it? y/n

7) Do you have trouble actually being in your experience? For example, when you're on vacation looking at an exciting sight, are you worrying about the tour bus leaving without you? y/n

8) Are you a big worrier? y/n

9) Do you have trouble being spontaneous? For example, would you be embarrassed to sing in front of a group of people just because you were happy? y/n

10) Do you find yourself in frequent conflicts with people in authority? y/n

11) Are you obsessed with men's or women's buttock? Do you prefer to engage in or fantasize about anal sex more than any other kind? y/n

12) Do you often use words that center of defecation or urination? Does your sense of humor focus on bathroom jokes? y/n

13) Are you often accused of being stingy with money, love, showing emotions or affection? y/n

14) Do you tend to be obsessive about neatness and cleanliness? y/n

15) Do you fear anger in people? y/n

16) Will you do almost anything to avoid conflict? y/n

17) Do you feel guilty when you say "NO" to someone? y/n

18) Do you avoid saying "no" directly, but often refuse to do what you've said you would in a variety of indirectly manipulative and passive ways? y/n

19) Do you sometimes " go berserk " and inappropriately let go of all control? y/n

20) Are you often excessively critical of other people? y/n

21) Do you act nice to people when you're with them, and then gossip and criticize them when they go away? y/n

22) When you achieve success, do you have trouble enjoying or even believing in your accomplishments? y/n

Developmental Stage: Preschooler: Early Identity or "I am Someone"
Developmental Age: 3 -- 6 years
Developmental Goals: Initiative versus Guilt
Ego Strength: Purpose
Source of Power: Imagining and Feeling
Relationship Issues: Independence

1) Do you have sever identity problems? To aid you in answering this, consider the following questions: Who are you? Does an answer come easily? No matter what your sexual preference, do you feel like you're really a man? A woman? Do you overdramatize you sex (try to be macho or sexy)? y/n

2) Even when you have sex in a legitimate context, do you feel guilty? y/n

3) Do you have trouble identifying what you are feeling at any given moment? y/n

4) Do you have communication problems with the people you are close to? y/n

5) Do you try to control your feelings most of the time?

6) Do you try to control the feelings of those around you? y/n

7) Do you cry when you are anger? y/n

8) Do you rage when you're scared or hurt? y/n

9) Do you have trouble expressing your feelings? y/n

10) Do you believe that you are responsible for other people's behavior or feelings? Also, do you feel guilty for what has happened to your family members? y/n

11) Do you believe that if you just behave in a certain way, you can change another person? y/n

12) Do you believe that wishing or feeling something can make it come true? y/n

13) Do you often accept confusing messages and inconsistent communication without asking for clarification? y/n

14) Do you act on guesses and unchecked assumptions, treating them as actual information? y/n

15) Do you feel responsible for your parent's marital problems or divorce? y/n

16) Do you strive for success so that your parents can feel good about themselves? y/n

Developmental Stage: School Age: Latency Periods or "I am Capable"
Developmental Age: 6 -- 13 years
Developmental Goals: Industry versus Inferiority
Ego Strength: Competence
Source of Power: Knowing and Learning
Relationship Issues: Interdependence; Cooperation

1) Do you often compare yourself to other people and find yourself inferior? y/n

2) Do you wish you had more good friends of both sexes? y/n

3) Do you frequently feel uncomfortable in social situations? y/n

4) Do you feel uncomfortable being part of a group? y/n

5) Do you feel most comfortable when you are alone? y/n

6) Are you sometimes told that you are excessively competitive? Do you feel like you must win? y/n

7) Do you have frequent conflicts with the people you work with?

8) With the people in your own family? y/n

9) In negotiations, do you either (a) give in completely, or (b) insist on having things your own way? y/n

10) Do you pride yourself on being strict and literal, following the letter of the law? y/n

11) Do you procrastinate a lot? y/n

12) Do you have trouble finishing things? y/n

13) Do you believe you should know how to do things without having any instructions? y/n

14) Do you have intense fears about making a mistake? y/n

15) Do you experience severe humiliation if you are forced to look at your mistakes? y/n

16) Do you frequently feel angry and critical of others? y/n

17) Are you deficient in basic life skills (ability to read, ability to speak and/or write with good grammar, ability to do necessary math calculations)? y/n

18) Do you spend lots of time obsessing on, or analyzing, what someone has said to you? y/n

19) Do you feel ugly and inferior? y/n

20) If yes, do you try to hide it with clothes, things, money, or make-up? y/n

21) Do you lie to yourself and others a lot of the time? y/n

22) Do you believe that no matter what you do, it is not good enough? y/n

Developmental Stage: Adolescence: Regeneration or "I am my Unique Self"
Developmental Age: 13 -- 26 years
Developmental Goals: Identity versus Role Confusion
Ego Strength: Fidelity
Source of Power: Regeneration
Relationship Issues: Independence from Family

1) Do you still have trouble with parental authority? y/n

2) Do you continue to experiment with jobs, never feeling like you've found your niche? y/n

3) Are you confused about who you really are? y/n

4) Are you committed to a group or cause? y/n

5) Do you think of yourself as disloyal? y/n

6) Do you feel superior to others because your lifestyle is offbeat and nonconformist? y/n

7) Have you ever arrived at a faith position of your own? y/n

8) Do you have any real friends of the same sex? y/n

9) Do you have any real friends of the opposite sex? y/n

10) Are you a dreamer, preferring to read romance novels and science fiction, rather than taking any action in your own life? y/n

11) Has anyone ever told you to grow up? y/n

12) Are you a rigid conformist? y/n

13) Have you ever questioned the religion of your youth? y/n

14) Do you rigidly follow some type of hero or guru? y/n

15) Do you talk a lot about the great things you are going to do, but never really do them? y/n

16) Do you believe that no one has every been through the things you've had to go through, or that no one could really understand your unique pain? y/n

Source: "Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing you Inner Child" by John Bradshaw. Bantam Books. p. 81-172